That's right, I'm bringing back the personality of the old web of the early 2000's by giving this site a lot of personality

I plan on adding more things, more pages, more posts, maybe some cool features, and if possible, even some guest appearances and collaborations

Also, my first post on the site is now available

It's a VERY, VERY LONG post about early internet and how awesome it is, and how modern internet is pretty lame by comparision

Either way, check it if you want to, and maybe leave your guestbook message

either way, June is back into action, and I stay winning, baby!

Recently, I've started learning HTML5 and CSS, so I decided to make my own website, heavily inspired by early 2000's nostalgia and specially forums and personal websites also made around that period

There's a few things to be fixed on it, like the scaling, but right now, I think it does a pretty good job at being at least functionable, so please, give it a check, and maybe even leave a message on the guestbook

Either way, I'll be back with more updates soon

I'll see you around!

https://junessai.github.io/JuneSSai.net/

Nobody gives a single shit if I dissapeared or not, and honestly I kinda like things this way more, honestly, but I still feel like you all deserve to know what I've been up to

First of all; I technically have a job now

It's a sidejob I have pretty much every sunday now, it's not full time, but it pays, and I contribute to society somehow, so I'm happy to have it, and hey, we all need money, and as we all know, beggars can't choose

This is both a good thing and a bad thing, the good part is that I'm finally (kinda) getting my life together, and I feel like I'm finally understanding what it feels to have true independency and responsibilities, and I'm glad to have so, it feels good to know the things I'm doing for once matter in a significant way

But I'm not used to this kind of workflow, so it's been very tiring for me, both physically and mentally, to the point for a few weeks, I wasn't even able to get up to do the things I liked to do, I'd turn the PC, lay on my sofa (I don't have a bed) waiting for my PC to turn, and 10 minutes later I'd just turn it off and go back to sleep through the entire day, but now I'm feeling a little better, and I feel like I'm quickly adjusting myself to this new active life, so things will be going back to "normal" soon, I think

Secondly; I've been having kind of a identity crisis?

For a good while I've been unsure if I should be the Nice Fellow June or the Edgy Nightmare June, and this kinda make me stopped doing anything art-related due to the fact I couldn't decide if I was happy with my current artstyle or if I should try and change things for something darker, and with that, every time I attempted to create anything, I'd just hit a brick wall since I couldn't decide what to do with it, and I'd immediately would stop trying to finish any of my works, and I'd just go back to procastinate or play, this also affected other parts of my life, but who cares

Anyways, I'll be trying to bring new content, but expect things to change around here, I'll definitely try to experiment more with my works, so don't be surprised if you see something that feels out of place

And at last, I've been working on a lil' animation for this kinda shitposty collab, which I won't disclose what it is right now, but I'm very happy to say that it's going to be pretty cool, not only because of the amount of talents in the collab, but because it's also going to be the first time I've ever joined a big collab, which for a good while has been a big dream of mine, being able to work with other crazy talented artists from NG puts a big smile in my face, and I hope when it's out, you all will like it just as much as enjoyed being a part of it

Here's an early screencap of my part, this is a deleted scene, but it kinda gives away what to expect from it.

Either way, I hope you're all having a good one

I'll crawl back to under my rock

Send me your death threats or your messages of love to my inbox :)

See you around!

I've been a bitter asshole about this day for a good while now, it always bums me, and it doesn't help that all of the previous ones sucked pretty badly

But I don't want this to be another rant about I'm not getting any love today, but instead I want to wish everyone a happy valentine's day, either you're with the one person you love, family or friends, I sincerely hope you're sharing the love and enjoying the love aswell

Cheers

And sorry for being a dipshit, as usual.

Year barely started and I'm already regretting every single day waking up in the dead of the night, thinking how life could have been

We spend our whole lifes trying to be happy, temporary solutions to a permanent problem

We spend our whole lifes trying to build relations, only for most of them to be gone in the next day or disregard anything they might have had with you, because you fucked up once, because you're sick and tired of trying to pretend to be someone or something that you aren't, because you've shown yourself to be just like everyone else, extremely flawed, and bound to break like everyone would

We spend our entire lifes and at times sacrifice everything you stood for, and the person you were in order to maintain relationships, only for them to walk away and never look back, never even giving the time to considerate how much you've done for them, and how much you'll miss them, every single day of your fucking life

I'm not happy, probably never will be

I can't be happy by myself, I can't be happy with others, I can't be happy for the others, and I'm just not made to be around anyone

I've wanted everyone hating me for quite a while now, since I'd have nothing to worry for, but no matter how much of a waste of a person you might be, there's always someone out there rooting for you, and this sucks, I don't like being loved, allowing others to set expectations on you is the most dissapointing anyone could allow to happen

I think I might just end up changing my year's objective to somehow get myself killed once again

Either that, or just dissapear and leave no traces

I'm legitimately tired, I hate all of this.

2022, Dawn Of A New Day

Hi.

I've been away for the new years eve because I was hanging around in the old place I used to live with my REAL family, so I couldn't get on NG recently, but now I'm back, unfortunately

I want to keep things brief about 2021 since we all know it was a piece of shit, go read my last logs if you're interested.

2021 sucked massive balls, I expected it to be at least a decent or quiet year, and it turns out it was the absolute fucking worst, at least until the end, I had surprisingly one of the best weeks I've had in a good while on the final days of 2021, it didn't had many fireworks, but it was nice for everything I did on that day and night

I was planning to list some of my friends in here and tell each one of them how great they are for me and the cool things they did for me, but the thing is... there's like, too many fucking people, and in many ways, although I interacted with some people more than I did with the others, that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself as much with the others aswell, everyone was equally pretty cool to me, and I think it would be unfair to write some people down and forget/leave others behind, so all I can say is; I have the privilege of being friends with some of the coolest people out there, and I'll be forever grateful for that

Now, for 2022, I've been thinking what I want for it, and all things considered, I just want something decent, and I think

I found something even better than that

In the time I've spent away in my old home, I've felt a joy and energy for life that I've been lacking for quite sometime now, and I think that's my main objective, moving back to there, to where my friends, my family and my real life resides, because everytime I go back in there, I always feel such joy, it's an amazing feeling I've been looking for through these past few years, but recently it came back even stronger, ironically, the last days of 2021 were some of the best days I've had in a good while, and that's my first objective, taking back what's mine to take

And for the second thing, I think I want to try and find someone for me again

I know every fucking time I end up dissapointing myself, but I'm not a person made to be alone for too long, I like having (good) people around me, and being alone for too long always makes me sad, I just want to try and share something with somebody, I just can hope for the best, even though I'm most likely aware of the end result.

And lastly, I know every year I say that I want to change, but I don't want that anymore

I like being the jackass that I am, I just want to be the most cutting-edge version of myself now, with all pros and cons included, only ironing out the kinks

So you all better be ready, because a faster, more modern, slick and cutting-edge June is going to rise up this year, and it's only a matter of time until I take everything by storm, count my words, it will happen, one way or another, might not be this year, but it will happen

I hope you all have a wonderful year

It's been real.

For those you know me, at least knew me for quite some time now, you're probably very aware that I don't celebrate anything at all, from christmas to my birthday, but maybe it's time for that to change

For a good while now, these dates have been mostly linked to very sadenning and distorted memories, and I've done everything in my capacity to distance myself from them in any way I can, but things have changed significantly recently, I've met some of the most amazing and coolest people out there, people that finally allowed me to feel the joy of celebrating something again, and instead of being a bitter asshole and ruin everything for myself and for others, I'm here to wish you all a merry christmas, and I hope you all enjoy the remainder of the year and cherish the little things that you might have going for you, small or not, everything matters

Merry christmas everyone.

Another one of these huh?

Doubt anyone reads these but myself, but I like writting a lot, it's one of the few things I still do pretty well and I'm still very enthusiastic about, so I might aswell give this one last shot

I'm going to try to keep this brief, since everything that had to be said about 2021 has been said to death at this point, but I might aswell give my own take

Let's start with the negative, since this is the part I not only excel the most at, but there's lots to talk in here

Ironically, I started 2021 very positively all things considered

After 2020, I didn't think it could get any worse, specially since I've been living one of the most miserable lifes out there ever since 2017, and specially 2018, 2019 to 2020 didn't help aswell nor did any of those years give me a single break. in fact, they made everything worse and harder than I could stand, but incredibly, I'm still here, living and kicking. Kinda.

So I thought that after what seemed an eternity for me, I would finally get a good year, or at least something decent

But no, just as the year began, my hopes were shattered just as quickly

I didn't had many expectations at all, but I still managed to be surprised on how bad things have gotten

Many fights broke out in here, mostly due to my "family" being a bunch of pieces of shit and with me being done with having to live with a bunch of people that would say nothing but horrible things about me whenever I turned my backs to them, even though I'm the first person to always help everyone around here, and when I heard that one of my uncles has passed away due to a sudden heart attack, I was devastated, after that funeral, I was truly alone, because despite my family, including my dad being absolutely unreliable, my uncle was one of the few people in here that genuinely helped me through every bad time I had in here, even with all of the issues he had, like his drinking problem, he was genuinely one of the greatest persons out there, but even him was now gone, and I didn't even get the chance to spend enough time with him, or at least realise how much of an excellent person he was and thank him for everything he has done for me, the same thing that happened with my mother, now happened with him, I didn't gave these people the value they truly deserved, and I'll live the rest of my life regretting it.

Things wouldn't go any better for the objectives I set for 2020 aswell

Relationships were a complete disaster, and I've never felt so empty and crushed like that since 2018. Job opportunities didn't appear either, I couldn't get myself to improve my works or start the projects I promised I'd get myself working on, because whenever I attempted to do anything, I'd just stare at the screen, remembering and regretting everything that I have done in my life, as the hours quickly flew by, before giving up entirely on idea of improving, and working in here due to me not having a room makes doing anything meaningful in here nigh-impossible, and with the fact that my computer broke a total of two times this year alone, left me empty on cash from all sources, and specially down to do anything, as I felt things would derail the moment I attempted to get up again

I've been thinking a lot and this year was somehow worse than 2020, and the fact that I got through it without attempting to shoot myself again is a fucking feat of itself, and despite everything I said above, this didn't cover a 1/3 of how awful this year truly was

But, it wasn't all bad

This year I met some genuinely amazing people, people that have helped me through bunchs, gave me some good laughs and overall made many miserable days and nights into something special, some people I'd consider a family to me in many ways, and it's been such a joy to feel so excited over talking to someone again, to feel like I'm part of something great, to be around so many phenomenal people, and all of these experiences left me rethinking that things might just be ok at the end of the day, that maybe I do have a place in this small world afterall

I've got invited to so many communities and meet many new and fantastic faces, and most of that happened because of Newgrounds

Although I did enjoy using this site back in the day around 2006-2010, this is the first time I truly took time to engage and participate on the community, and although there have been a few bad eggs here and there, this didn't taint the amazing experience I've had in here at all, and if there is one thing to be grateful for this year, it's Newgrounds and the people I've met in here for the most part. Of course there's other people and communities that made a big impact on me this year aswell, but NG takes the cake above it all.

And I kinda feel like I finally started to gain more control over myself

No more letting people step over me and being okay with it, now I take some attitude and solve things myself, no matter how fucking bummed or down I might be, and that's something to be proud of

In general, I'm proud of myself no matter how much of a big piece of shit I might be

My works aren't great, I need lots to improve, and in many ways my life is out of control, but I never once try to go the easy way just because it's easier or attempt to cash in on easy, souless opportunities just because everyone is doing it, no matter how badly I'm failing at life and everything else, I'm still trying my fucking hardest, and you should be proud for doing the same aswell

If I didn't got myself killed, nothing nor anyone will

What I want for next year?

I just want something, no matter how insignificant it might be, if it's something to hold dearly, I'm happy.

It's been an awful, yet fun year, and being around you all has been an absolute pleasure

I don't celebrate these kind of festivities, but... merry christmas and happy new year from your favorite asshole, June.

Peace out suckers, it's been real.

Despite the stress I had to face this week because of a few retards, this week has been pretty nice, and I got to not

only to do lots of things, but I managed to meet and re-meet some very nice people, aswell the fact that I'm finally starting to feel confident about myself and into getting into a relationship again, so all's good

Happy thanksgiving from June S. Sai (AKA. Big Whiskey)

Your favorite asshole on Newgrounds

This isn't me about to complain about life again, believe me

I have some news, some bad and some good

The good news is that; not only I'll finally be able to pay all of my credit card debts that I used to repair my computer, I'll also get enough money to fix the rooftop of one of the rooms in here, and I'll finally have my own room, meaning more time to be productive and more content will drop, and in a faster rate aswell

The bad news; my tablet is still not working and I don't have the money to buy a new one as of now, so if I end up posting art, it will probably be pixel art or 3D Stuff, or a blend of both, because traditional/digital art is pretty stressful with a tablet, and it's even more with an imprecise mouse, despite me spending most of my early days using the mouse to draw, so yeah, you might see me getting a little bit more experimental

As of now, things are finally slowing down, the fire is ceasing, and I can see and think more than just disgrace

I'll be back soon, believe me

I'm out.