What you see above you, is essentially the first fanart ever made to me for the first character I ever created, and what inspired me to be an artist and continue my works in general, something rather simple that at the end of the day holds a ungodly amount of importance to me, that to this day, it's one of the few remainders of my past life that I decided to carry with me instead of throwing it away like I did with everything else

This was a character I called Captain Jackass (This was the closest translation I have) which was essentially just a younger me wearing a cape and having silly super powers like strechty limbs and reality breaking stuff like in the cartoons, it was nothing special, unique or original at all.

I just made comics for myself whenever I was bored in class, and I would just scribble my notebooks with comics, references and things I just found overall funny, it was cringe and badly made, but it was legit one of the most fun things I was had going for me at that time, I would get very excited thinking about new ideas, new stories, what characters I would insert in the next pages, and at times I'd spend time drawing instead of actually doing the classes (which was not a good idea, not only because I would constantly get in trouble for it, but because I didn't learn anything that I was supposed to) and even going as far as to wait for me to get home alone so I could get as comfortable as possible to draw what I wanted to without any interruption or stress whatsoever

These were simpler times, I did art for myself and myself only

Yeah, at times people would steal my notebooks and peep at it, and I would show it to some friends at times, but it wasn't any big deal at all, but one day I decided to bring these characters and worlds to the digital world, and actually post my comics on the internet (which are now long gone, thankfully)

At first all I did was to take pictures of my notebook scribbles, which was a bad idea, not only because the quality of my camera was terrible, and it was really hard to decipher what was written because of my poor handwritting, but because everything in there was cringe, only I (and one of my friends) thought that was un-ironically cool.

and then I tried to go for digital art, which wasn't really that good of an idea at first, because somehow my digital art was more still and dead than the scribbles I've made, and because when I started the new "arc" for my stories, I tried to make everything more "dark and edgy", and it was a terrible idea, because my character was lighthearted and extremely fluffy to work in these stories, and even back then I was growing tired of that, so at one point things slowed down, and I was about to give up, both on the comics and at art

But then I met this person

She was a very cool person, and she also had her own page, and when I took a look at her works, everything she did was amazing, in fact, she was my first childhood love, and she was amazing in my eyes, and although I was nervous talking to someone like her at first, I somehow managed to do it, and then she said she actually enjoyed my comics and my art (she was being nice, too nice in fact) and made me the fanart I showed at the beginning at the post, and although that was supposed to be a quick sketch from her and a simple gift for me, this single piece single handedly motivated me enough not only to work on the comics again, but to not give up on the dream of being an artist, in fact, it was around that time in which I started to make some actual improvements and learn how to draw better, all because of one person

Eventually I'd insert her into the comics aswell as one of the main characters (which was cringe as fuck, but I was a small, dumb child with his heart going crazy for the first time ever) and we would become friends, and at one point I even told her that I actually liked her, but she only ever saw me as a friend, which was legit fine by me, it was just nice having her around and that's all I could ask for

But then a lot of things happened, and I mean it, it's a whole other book to go through

And eventually, we stopped talking, last time she called me was to comfort me over the death of my mother (which was shot by her ex-boyfriend) and it sucks that our last interaction was over something like this, but, that's life I guess

But the real reason why I cut ties with her wasn't even because I fucked up things with her, or I didn't want anything to do with her anymore, in fact, despite me not talking to her anymore, I was still pretty fond of her, but my ex essentially manipulated me into cutting ties with her because she fear I'd cheat on her with her (which is fucking retarded, specially considering that she never wanted anything with me to begin with), and although I resitated at first, for good and logical reasons, I eventually did give up to the pressure she was putting on me, so I essentially cut ties with someone really important that could have probably still be around if I didn't, over a person that would leave me exactly months after the fact, which would cause a whole domino effect that would send me spiraling into depression even further

It goes without saying, but I regret doing that, it's one of my biggest regrets I have in my whole fucking life

I have so much to thank for this person, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have continued to draw and to be inspired to continue to show my art and characters to the world

If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be an artist anymore at all, and I gave up like I was planning to do on that period, I wouldn't have met all the amazing people I'm friends with today

In general, things would have been way worse than they already are nowadays if she didn't show up in my life, if she didn't show me that there's always someone to appreciate the things you do and the person you are despite how awful you can be, and I have everything to thank her for that

I didn't lost contact with her completely, I know where to find her, and I legit would love to rekindle my friendship with her, but I don't deserve it, and she probably doesn't even remember that I exist anymore, and probably for the better, but seeing her doing well in life couldn't make me happier

There's few things that legitimately makes me happy, and this is one of them, seeing that the person that essentially treated me incredibly well despite me being an annoying and insufferable kid, and helped me shape the best parts of me and the person I am today doing so well in life is a weird feeling of happiness I cannot describe

And that's legimitely all I want at this point, she'll never read this and I'll never cross her mind again, possibly for the better, but I sincerely want nothing but the best for her, either I'm present to see it or not

My life sucks, I'm a piece of shit and everything is terrible, but I do have something to be grateful for

Sorry for the rambling, I'll try to work on something cool eventually

I hope you all are doing well, and I hope you all find what you seek

Hold these people close to your heart and don't let them go

You get inspired to in turn inspire

This is June speaking, see you all later.